Sunday, November 09, 2008

Proverbs 10:12

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses"
Proverbs 10:12

This is what caught my eye today. Especially in light of the Newer Testament reading for last week:

"You have heard that it was said to those of old, "You shall not murder and whoever murders will be liable to judgment." But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, 'You Fool!' will be liable to the hell of fire"
Matthew 5:21-22

There is a young family member who I really struggle to feel love towards. Not only do I tend not to feel love, which in of itself isn't a huge issue, because love is more then a feeling, but I tend to feel quite angry and annoyed at. It makes me really sad, because she is someone very dear to my little girl, and should be very dear to me and needs the love I should have that should cover over the irritations. But instead of feeling love, I have almost a physical reaction to the things she does to purposefully antagonize or test those around her. She's just a little girl! It is not even her job to know how to appropriately act, although I get the sense that she knows exactly what she is doing. And I don't know how to appropriately act in such situation.

How do I overlook it? How do I let love cover all offenses? How do I know the difference between a time to do something or say something, and when I am overreacting?

That is my prayer today. Currently, I am trying to emulate My Favorite as he purposefully picks her up and says he loves her every time they are together. I've just started, and I'm disappointed at how hard it is for me to do, but I will continue to do so. I try to hold onto that moment where we are close physically, and her grin and soft voice shows me that she knows I love her, because I really do, far down.

Also, in helping my little girl learn to react within this relationship, I pray that I don't pass on the feelings I have towards this other little girl. I pray that the things I use to help Teeny learn to love her shows a love I don't necessarily feel, and that no favoritism is shown either way.

Lord, please guide me in this situation. Please help me know how to apply your word to this relationship. Family is for the long haul and I don't want to damage what I have with this little girl any further then I have already. Please be my wisdom and guide, our protector and teach me how to love so I can teach my girls to love. In hashem yeshua hameshiach, amen.

Saturday, November 08, 2008


Ever since my first trip to Mexico in 2000, adoption has been a flicker in my heart. Is it for us? How can we not? Is it His will? Now, in 10 years, never? It has been coming up again lately, and I just want to lay this before you Lord. What does it mean? What do you want from us? I dearly love my babies, and it breaks my heart that there are little ones (or not so little ones) out there who do not have that love around them, or even worse, are living in the midst of hate. I look at how frustrated I get at my two joys and wonder how I could ever even give them enough of what they deserve, let alone others. Please guide my heart, my attitude, our finances, our goals to be ready for whatever you will call this family to. Help me weed out the junk in my daily life that doesn't matter and is in the way.

So spoiled

I am sitting in my bed. up too late, sobbing. I act so spoiled sometimes when I should act blessed.

My Favorite is still at work, and will be again tomorrow. So for all intents and purposes, I haven't seen him really since he left for work thursday morning, and won't unless he really gets Vetran's day off on Tuesday. And I dearly love being with him, not to mention needing him.

Then I read an article by a mom of 7 whose husband is in the Navy and is away. And I think, what a big whiny baby I am. A few days of 24/7 - a few hours here and there with a 2 year old and an infant and I feel like life is impossibly hard? Give me a break. Did I even try to spend time with God? Even on Shabbat? Not in a way that would satisfy me if I were God. Not as if we have a real relationship.

My prayer... well, lets just pray:

Oh Abba! Why do I stay so far away from you? Why do I cry and whine and have pitty parties? Why do I feel this heavyness over me that makes me feel like I am just out of reach of doing what you want me to with my day? Please give me a hunger for your word. Please grow my heart full of love for the role you have given me as Mama of these joys, the big joy and little joy. Please give me purposefullness with my time and my choices of activities. Prioritize my day, my to do list, make it what will matter to you every second and what will matter to my babies at the end of their life. How do I balance being a wife and being a mama and being your daughter and being a daughter and being an aunt and... Please be my strength and help me let you be that. I fear what that might mean, but I ask it anyway, because I know it is the only thing that matters. I praise you that you hear me, that you continue waiting for me to turn to you, that you continue leading me even when I don't spend time with you. You are the friend I always want and I thank you for that. May you be my biggest Joy.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Lies Young Women Believe...

This is a book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. The teen version of Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free. Both excellent books in my opinion.

This book deals directly and pointedly with issues that face young girls who call themselves Christians. It is not a "be true to yourself" or feel good book. It is very loving, I think, and had I been a Christian when I was a teenager, I would have wanted this book. It has helped me look at some of the lies I believe even now as an almost 30 year old wife and mama.

It is broken into 3 parts. Part 1 - The Landscape of Lies (what a lie is, who fell for it origionally, what the truth is). Part 2 - Lies Young Women Believe. And Part 3 - Overcoming Lies. The 2nd section covers some interesting lies about:
  • God
  • Satan
  • Myself
  • Guys
  • Relationships
  • My Faith
  • Sin
  • Media
  • Future
Here are a few of the specific lies they cover that impressed me the most (that they would discuss, not that I necessarily fall for!): God is not enough; I've never been exposed to satanic activities; It's not really sex; It's okay to be one person at home and a different person with others, especially online; My youth pastor is my connection to God; and my fav "Having a career outside the home is more valuable and fulfilling then being 'just' a wife and mom."

I strongly believe that all parents who have daughters under the age of 30 (really) should read this book to get a better understanding of what is at war with these generations. Especially those whose girls are now teenagers or will be soon. The online aspect of this generation is a whole new ballgame, and we are generations into feminism.

I strongly believe that any person who goes to a church where there are young women or girls who will become young women should read this book. Especially youth pastors and their wives (and yes, I think youth pastors should have wives before they act in such a role).

I wish strongly that all husbands of Christian wives would read this book and the one for "regular" women. You are our protectors, even if we don't know or accept that, and these really are the lies that go through our heads. Please pray for us!

All women should read the general book, all 30 and under should read both.

I could go on and on, quoting some of their hard hitting lines and all the points that hit home for me. But read it for yourself. Their goal is obvioiusly to turn women's hearts to God and the role He has for us, to turn the hearts of girl's to their families and the adults He has placed around them. To honor and glorify, bring peace and truth. And personal accountability. Not for the faint of heart.