This is what caught my eye today. Especially in light of the Newer Testament reading for last week:
There is a young family member who I really struggle to feel love towards. Not only do I tend not to feel love, which in of itself isn't a huge issue, because love is more then a feeling, but I tend to feel quite angry and annoyed at. It makes me really sad, because she is someone very dear to my little girl, and should be very dear to me and needs the love I should have that should cover over the irritations. But instead of feeling love, I have almost a physical reaction to the things she does to purposefully antagonize or test those around her. She's just a little girl! It is not even her job to know how to appropriately act, although I get the sense that she knows exactly what she is doing. And I don't know how to appropriately act in such situation.
How do I overlook it? How do I let love cover all offenses? How do I know the difference between a time to do something or say something, and when I am overreacting?
That is my prayer today. Currently, I am trying to emulate My Favorite as he purposefully picks her up and says he loves her every time they are together. I've just started, and I'm disappointed at how hard it is for me to do, but I will continue to do so. I try to hold onto that moment where we are close physically, and her grin and soft voice shows me that she knows I love her, because I really do, far down.
Also, in helping my little girl learn to react within this relationship, I pray that I don't pass on the feelings I have towards this other little girl. I pray that the things I use to help Teeny learn to love her shows a love I don't necessarily feel, and that no favoritism is shown either way.
Lord, please guide me in this situation. Please help me know how to apply your word to this relationship. Family is for the long haul and I don't want to damage what I have with this little girl any further then I have already. Please be my wisdom and guide, our protector and teach me how to love so I can teach my girls to love. In hashem yeshua hameshiach, amen.