Thursday, September 20, 2007

Best, intimacy, close...His Beloved

I was reading one of my favorite magazines today, Messiah magazine by FFOZ, and reading an article about this High Holiday season being one of intimacy with HaShem. It made me realize what the world and the life I lived in the past, has done to that word. It doesn't mean the same thing that it should. It describes something very personal, very special, but to me it sounds fake and lustful. And that is so sad!

So I am asking God to clean my heart, my mind, so that I can see His desire for intimacy in the right light. For now, I am rather fond of the word "close." I was actually thinking of this the other day in regards to my wonderful husband. He has been my closest friend for almost 11 years. I usually say best, but that just makes me think of middle school girls who don't stay friends more then a couple months. Everyone has had best friends, but how many close friends do we have? I have one. Excuse me. I have one physical close friend, and one heavenly close friend who I need to get closer to.

"To be intimate," this phrase, in my experience, means something that is quite opposite of honoring my Lord. Just like "best friends" many people have been intimate. People are intimate, physically, on a first date, or not even on a date. People I have never met before have spilled their most intimate experiences, hurts, problems without even knowing my name. Which I don't mind, it is just an example of the lack of boundaries we have in this society. It is also an example, no, proof that we are wired to be intimate with our Heavenly Father. We are designed to need His comfort and relationship.

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine"
Song of Songs 6:3

He is our beloved! I've always been in awe of, and slightly uncomfortable with that concept. Today it thrills me.

"My beloved sent his hand through the opening and aroused my feelings for him"
Song of Songs 5:4

Hmm, I can't figure out what translation this comes from. Here are a few others, although this is a serious, amazing passage I can't help but include KJV which just made me snicker. See, I still have that middle school mind! Argh!

"My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my heart was moved for him." amplified

"My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him." KJV
[okay, I don't think that word instills quite the feeling the translators was going for, how bout you?! :0)]

"My beloved put his hand to the latch, and my heart was thrilled within me." ESV

That first version makes me uncomfortable. But I realized that is simply because what it makes me think of, wether or not that is what the author intended, has been soiled by what I have been exposed to and what I have exposed myself to. The intensity of those feelings is what we're getting at here. We should desire our Lord as we do our spouse, in that we long for Him, hunger for Him, and Him alone. His word are His sweet everythings in our ears, if we will read it.

Thank you Lord that you would desire me in such a way. That as part of your congregation, as part of your Bride, you have given everything to win my love and my hand. Thank you for letting me see, feel that intensity for the first time. I pray that all the garbage I have opened myself to would be washed away by your hand, that I would rest in the knowledge that it has been and that you have the strength to keep it that way. I ask of you my King to help me desire you with an intense, unsable hunger that keeps me in your word daily, that helps me see how important it is to share your love with those around me and not care what anyone thinks. May all the times I got this intimacy thing wrong, be turned into a true understanding of intimacy with you. May I let you be my closest friend.

In Ha Shem Yeshua Ha Meshiach, I thank you

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