Respect Your Husband

This is more for me then you, but maybe it will spark some good thoughts or future studies. These are the notes from my last Moms' Bible Study (not lead by me) where we talked about respecting our husbands. I didn't want to lose the info, but don't really want a piece of paper sitting around either.

It started with reading Ephesians 5:22-33 (I'll skip the parts to husbands, but go read it if you need to!):

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit) in everything to their husbands...However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The leader used four books in her preparations for this study. These are not recommendations, just a list of what she read.

1. The Bible (I do recommend this one)
2. For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn
3. The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura
4. Love & Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (many said this was not well written, including the leader. They did say the video series is much better)

She then used an achronym she found in someone's book/writings. CHAIRS. These will be very basic notes, throwing in what little I wrote down, and what I remember.

C - CONQUEST: Appreciate his desire for adventure and a project

• Mom's talked about how their sons turn everything into a project "This is my blanket project" said a 2 year old boy.
• The leader has 3 grown son's. She shared that her husband gave her this advice when they were raising them: "Never interfere in their fights with one another." Unless there is blood, he did add that. We are talking physical fights, not just verbal ones. Send them outside, but don't stop them, that is how they deal with each other. She said telling them to leave the house often stopped the fight, and minutes later, the boys were just fine. No grudges, just brothers.

H - HIERARCHY: Appreciate his desire to protect and provide

• One book suggested signing letters "with all my respect" rather then "love." The leaders husband whole heartedly agreed.
• Don't criticize him in public, instead find ways to build him up
• Many women commented that they feel really fake saying things like "Our towels are so soft because I have a great husband who fixes the washer." The leader said do it anyway, they like it :)
• NEVER ACT LIKE HE IS ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN. DON'T JOKE ABOUT IT, DON'T THINK IT, DON'T TREAT HIM LIKE ONE. How demeaning! It is something we women do, and probably one of the most degrading things we could do to the role as husband.

A - AUTHORITY: Appreciate his desire to serve and to lead

• She asked us "Who is the boss?" and reminded us to remember the answer
• When in need of his help, consider asking "Would you be willing to...?" rather then ordering, or expecting him to do your bidding.
• No pouting or crying when you don't get "your way"
• Defer to him. Let him make decisions and let him know you would like him to do so, that you will be behind his choice
• Be gracious if he makes the wrong choice, because he will sometimes
• Respect his dreams - don't bash them down out of your own fears, your own sense of practicality or any other reason. They are often only dreams or thoughts, not commands. And if they are something he really wants to do, we need to get on board, not undermine what God is doing in him.

I - INSIGHT: Appreciate his desire to analyze and counsel

• Don't make fun of what he says
• Remember it was Eve who was deceived, we need to be aware of where we are potentially being deceived now.
• Who is the spiritual leader? She said they have had many women come to them (pastor and wife) complaining that their husband isn't the spiritual leader of their family. Her husband would then ask, "Is he coming to church? Is he good with the kids? and so on... well, looks like he's doing a fine job" Women: "But he doesn't do family devotionals with us or pray with me every day!" Pastor: "Can you show me where it says he is to do those things in the bible?"
• YOU ARE NOT THE HOLY SPIRIT. YOU ARE NOT THE HOLY SPIRIT!

R - RELATIONSHIP: Appreciate his desire for shoulder to shoulder relationship

• Go sit and watch him in the garage, or wherever he is working
• Be quiet, don't talk
• Say encouraging things when appropriate

S - *****LITY: Appreciate his desire for _________ intimacy

• The devil will do everything to get you together before marriage, and everything to keep you apart after it
• He is tempted in ways you won't understand
• Many women use this as a power over their husbands, or don't realize its importance to them. She asked us, "How would you feel if he didn't talk to you for 3 days? How about 3 weeks? How about 3 months? Think about that"

ALWAYS ASSUME THE BEST... and you will find it easier to show respect.

He is our number 1 important relationship ladies (after God of course), let's make sure we are doing everything to let him know we respect him. This world, this society, teaches women and shows women doing anything but respecting their husbands. I pray to be growing away from that every day.

Homeschool - Score!

I got invited to go with another homeschooling mom to a local used curriculum sale. I was just going mostly for the ride, there wasn't anything I was necessarily looking for. I also get a little overwhelmed by mass garage sale type events, even garage sales make me a little nervous. I took $28 and some change with me. Here is what I came home with, yikes! So fun!

Books for the kiddos: $2.50

Manipulative/art/music: $5.00

Our oldest is just now noticing the clock. I got this one for 50 cents. I like the 5, 10, 15... markers, but didn't realize you can't just place the hands, you have to go around the clock just like a real one. The geoboards and oil pastels are totally from my childhood. And the music is because "bible" songs were NOT a part of my childhood!

Just for me: $1.00

I'm really fascinated by real people of the faith, I don't know any of their history. They are not adult reading :)

Parenting/wife/mother:$6.75

(sorry, couldn't get it to rotate) I've been waiting for Proverbs for Parenting for a long while on Paper Back Swap, so I was thrilled with this one. I already had Power of a Praying Wife, figured this would be a nice addition. I had never heard of the wife book from Doorposts, but I like their stuff. And after nap time today, the tag line "Help Despite the Hassles, for Mothers of young children" seemed um, necessary.

Curriculum: $15

The Animals science book was suggested by one of the gals I went with. The Pearables Character Building was suggested by Hadassah of Gypsy Soul, so I thought I'd try it out! And the Five in a Row are my favorite find. I wasn't planning on buying these, although I liked their preschool book. My oldest just doesn't seem interested in anything very strongly. But when I saw the first for $5, and my friend found the other for $20 and the owner dropped to $5, I was in. They are $35 each brand new.

Free: the price of being there when no one wants to load everything back up

Not pictured: A xyron laminator. Hope I can make it work and I like it! Price was perfect though.

Grand Total: $30.25

Peace in the midst

This will be mostly random thoughts.

God has been bringing my husband and I to the thought of simplicity over and over these last few weeks/months. It looks different for the two of us, his thoughts often more work oriented, mine more home life oriented, but those two worlds collide often.

I suppose, really, the pull towards the peace of simplicity is something that has been there since we had our first daugther, almost 4 years ago. That isn't so long ago that I don't remember the chaos, the stress, and the sense of panic I always had while working, or going to school. Being a wife, mother and homemaker is not easy, harder then anything I ever imagined. Yet, it has a sense of peace that I can't quite put into words.

Domestic Felicity, an amazingly encouraging blog, caught a bit of what I feel in this post:

Ladies, we don't have to be overwhelmingly busy in order to be hardworking wives and mothers. On the contrary, I believe it would be counter-productive. Again, if we opted to stay home in order (among other things) not to be frazzled and to have peace of mind, which is so much more conductive to happy and smoothly flowing family life, and yet we frantically attempt to erase every trace of relaxation from our days, what have we accomplished?

A couple of generations ago, the modern pace of life which has now become the norm would have been seen for what it really is – crazy. Restless. Unhealthy for families, for little children. We should be proud, not ashamed, of keeping an island of peacefulness in the midst of the world's rush, rush, rushing to nowhere. It's important to set a gentle, quiet rhythm to our days, to take a look at what already is on our plate – and if you have at least one little child at home, I'm estimating that in most cases it's more than enough – before we accept additional responsibilities, try to achieve perfection, or in any way turn our days into a hazy blur of ticking things off a to-do list.

The fact is, a day at home with your little one(s) will most likely be full and busy whether or not you try to make it so. We don't have to try and cram more into our day in order to be continuously occupied. It usually happens on its own!

Once, my husband said he would rather have dinner late then a wife in a puddle of tears when he gets home. No doubt! But that freed me a little to look at what was happening every day, to relax a little, and to desire to schedule my days better so maybe he could have both dinner on time and a peaceful wife. God has done an amazing work, at least internally (hope it shows outside!) for me in this area.

I have learned that although I am fairly slow in getting things done, that if I feel overwhelmed, trying to do more and do it faster doesn't always work. When I feel a rather stressful day start to take a hold, I find myself pulling back. Mentally, I think "one thing at a time." Spiritually, I have to ask for God to help me order my thoughts, my day, my emotions.

Being a mom is relaxing. Not the relaxing I did before being a mom, sleeping in for hours, not cleaning the house when I didn't want to, reading a book in one day, for example. But slowing down to watch sisters play together, taking time to fold laundry, curling up with a book and a warm little girl, even pondering the millions of mistakes I made and asking God to help me start over the next day while I finish the dishes at night.

I'm on God's time. That can be difficult, for sure. But when I feel overwhelmed, I can turn to Him and He will show me how to simplify, to relax, to regroup and find that peace again. May I grow quickly in this area so I can express the growing understanding of His peace to my girls.

Whole Chicken

I haven't cooked a whole chicken before, but today is the day. My Favorite found this recipe for me, and I have it all set up to go in the oven. I didn't have celery for the mire poix, but added garlic pieces and mushrooms (as some of the commentors tried). I don't have any white wine, which everyone says is a must, so we'll see if I ask My Favorite to pick some up on the way home or not. I also didn't have a big enough cast iron pan. We love cast iron, and I use it almost exclusively. But one of the commenters used a roasting pan so I'll have to go with that. I'm nervous! Isn't that silly?! I just so hate to mess up, and especially food.

That is a lot of "didn't have" so we shall see.

Here's a picture of it raw... ew. May it look much better when it is done!

RESULTS: There's no picture because we devoured it. So good! Seriously, really good. And the potatoes, carrots, onions, and mushrooms... unbelievable folks. This is a keeper for sure.

I did put garlic under the skin, and forgot that I brined it prior to finding the recipe, so that may have contributed. I have my first attempt at stock bubbling behind me, and all the extra chicken waiting to be shredded and tucked into the freezer.

Ultimate proof of its goodness: my youngest ate it. She actually let meat touch her lips and asked for more. She eats nothing, so that was a nice gift from God for us.

Skirt wearing adventures

We went to our congregation this morning, ate and then hopped in the car. Most Shabbat afternoons we spend driving, since our congregation is about 30 minutes from home and last long enough to be into nap time. So we drive, and the girls sleep.

But today, they woke up at the beach. How fun! My Favorite decided I would like that, and of course I did! I was totally not ready for a beach trip, no sunscreen or snacks or beach clothes, or jackets. But I appreciated his spur of the momentness and got over myself. It was a beautiful day, we found a jacket for our youngest in the car, and then I realized how windy it was.

I am still working on being a skirt wearer. I am much more comfortable in them then pants. But wind? Hmm, you have to plan the right skirt for windy weather. I've learned that the hard way (praise God, no one was around me for that moment!) And what I was wearing to church today was far from wind proof!

God gave me a great idea though. I grabbed an extra hair rubber band I had seen in the diaper bag, took a corner of my skirt up in like a ponytail, and wrapped the band around it. tadah! Wind proofed skirt. Thanks Abba for not letting that rubber band get lost, we had a great, unembarrasing day!

Mi Mexico

The spring before we got married, I went to Ensenada, Mexico for 2 1/2 months. I just realized, as I wrote that, that 6 years ago today I would have been there. I turned on some worship music I got while down there, and I'm just riding the waves God is sending my way. There is something that happens when I hear Spanish worship. I don't know if it takes me back to that time, a time where I had to rely on God in a way I'd never known before, or that I have to concentrate on the words so hard, or if there is just a different... spirit? to it?

I need to rely on Him like that again. I just have so much here! When you are trusting Him to keep you physically safe, to help you find words to communicate, to have enough food, to have enough gas to eat and wash in warm water, and you don't always know how any of that is going to happen, wow. I just don't have words.

But He put me here, in this abundant life, and I am so thankful for all we have. I don't want to complain about that, for sure! I know I have to be able to rely on that raw faith here too. I think I just rely on myself too much.

I would almost, in this moment, give anything to go back there, even for a very short time. It wouldn't be the same place, the same people, the same me. A part of me longs for it though, I think a part of me is still there.

I'm reading through my journal of that time, amazing how you can immediatly go back to a place and time through words.

May 4, 2004

I spent yesterday, the hottest day yet, throwing up. My body is sore. But it gave me a lot of time to think. We are so rich here! Even here.

As I was whining about being hot, Angela described Bilga's house*. Bilga was sleeping literally drenched in sweat. Her mom, Martina was sitting in a chair with the baby in as little clothing as possible. Angela said it was unbearably hot. Some of these houses don't even have windows!

*Bilga was a 3 year old absolutely beautiful girl who lived with her mother and baby sister, while her father lived "al otro lado" (the other side) in the US. I believe their house was actually one built by the ministry I was with, so it was a million times better then the makeshift ones others lived in. But miserable in the heat. Oh, whiney American guera (pronounced "wear-a", means white girl)!

May I learn to lean on my King, mi Rey, as I did then in such an uncertain environment, while dwelling in this amazingly abundant home and family.

A song by Danilo Montero. I tried to translate it, but there are some phrases I can't quite figure out. And it has been 4 years since I used my Spanish much, never have been fluent.

Él es el Rey infinito en Poder, Él es el rey de los cielos

sere para Él siervo fiel, pues mi vida compro con su amor

Él es el Rey lo confiesa mi ser, Él es el rey de los siglos

mi vida la rindo a sus pies, Él es Rey sobre mi corazon

Él es el Rey, Él es el Rey, Él es el Rey de mi vida

Él es el Rey, Él es el Rey reina con autoridad

su reino eterno es, su trono el cielo es

Él es el Rey ke viene a su pueblo a llevar

He is the king, infinite in power, He is the king of the heavens,

I was His faithful servant, my life bought by His love

He is the King my being confesses, He is the king of the centuries

My life I yeild at His feet, He is the King over my heart

He is the King, He is the King, He is the king of my life

He is the King, He is the King, He reins with authority

His rein is eternal, His throne is in the heavens

He is the King who comes...(couldn't translate this to make sense).

Yeah, find the spanish. The English just looses something vital.

Horses

Our oldest daughter has been pretending to ride horses for a few weeks. Then today, we went and watched my niece in her first fair experience as a horse rider, so the horse interest has amped a bit. Even if it just lasts a short while, I wanted to learn something now that we've "noticed" horses. If she is like her mama, or many little girls out there, this will probably not be the only time she's a little horse crazy!

I googled for preschool horse lapbook, and this blog started my thinking. I still haven't figured out if lapbooks are a waste of time period, a waste of time for a 3 1/2 year old, or simply not something this girl is interested in. But for now, I'll keep trying every once in a while, since I have always liked cutting and pasting things together to look nice. So some, or all, of this may totally bomb. The books I have on hold she'll love, simply because they are books!

Some components I printed out:

Horse diagram

Horse breeds

Facial markings (probably too difficult, but handwriting practice anyway)

Horse gaits (probably too difficult, but hopefully I can find something on youtube to make it more real)

What do horses eat

Just for Fun

Make your own word search (I used the words: horse, hoof, tail, mane, ride, saddle, mare, foal, pony)

Dot to Dot 1

Dot to Dot 2

How to Draw a Simple Horse

We'll start all this as soon as enough books show up at the library.