I need to rely on Him like that again. I just have so much here! When you are trusting Him to keep you physically safe, to help you find words to communicate, to have enough food, to have enough gas to eat and wash in warm water, and you don't always know how any of that is going to happen, wow. I just don't have words.
But He put me here, in this abundant life, and I am so thankful for all we have. I don't want to complain about that, for sure! I know I have to be able to rely on that raw faith here too. I think I just rely on myself too much.
I would almost, in this moment, give anything to go back there, even for a very short time. It wouldn't be the same place, the same people, the same me. A part of me longs for it though, I think a part of me is still there.
I'm reading through my journal of that time, amazing how you can immediatly go back to a place and time through words.
May 4, 2004I spent yesterday, the hottest day yet, throwing up. My body is sore. But it gave me a lot of time to think. We are so rich here! Even here.As I was whining about being hot, Angela described Bilga's house*. Bilga was sleeping literally drenched in sweat. Her mom, Martina was sitting in a chair with the baby in as little clothing as possible. Angela said it was unbearably hot. Some of these houses don't even have windows!
*Bilga was a 3 year old absolutely beautiful girl who lived with her mother and baby sister, while her father lived "al otro lado" (the other side) in the US. I believe their house was actually one built by the ministry I was with, so it was a million times better then the makeshift ones others lived in. But miserable in the heat. Oh, whiney American guera (pronounced "wear-a", means white girl)!
May I learn to lean on my King, mi Rey, as I did then in such an uncertain environment, while dwelling in this amazingly abundant home and family.
A song by Danilo Montero. I tried to translate it, but there are some phrases I can't quite figure out. And it has been 4 years since I used my Spanish much, never have been fluent.
Él es el Rey infinito en Poder, Él es el rey de los cielossere para Él siervo fiel, pues mi vida compro con su amorÉl es el Rey lo confiesa mi ser, Él es el rey de los siglosmi vida la rindo a sus pies, Él es Rey sobre mi corazonÉl es el Rey, Él es el Rey, Él es el Rey de mi vidaÉl es el Rey, Él es el Rey reina con autoridadsu reino eterno es, su trono el cielo esÉl es el Rey ke viene a su pueblo a llevar
He is the king, infinite in power, He is the king of the heavens,
I was His faithful servant, my life bought by His love
He is the King my being confesses, He is the king of the centuries
My life I yeild at His feet, He is the King over my heart
He is the King, He is the King, He is the king of my life
He is the King, He is the King, He reins with authority
His rein is eternal, His throne is in the heavens
He is the King who comes...(couldn't translate this to make sense).
Yeah, find the spanish. The English just looses something vital.