"With all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love."
So what had I done yesterday that made this a perfect verse for today? Lied.
Yep, I told, or allowed for, what the world would call a "white lie." To my wonderful husband, no less. This is a sign of foot-in-mouth disease because I had just been "enjoying" the other wonderful sin of judgment earlier this week. One of our friends lies often and I had the audacity to say, out loud, "Hmm, I have my weaknesses, but that isn't one of them. I don't understand that one at all" (not to her of course, adding talking-behind-the-back to my list) Yeah, I know. I can see you cringe and groan.
So yesterday I found myself in a quickly snowballing lie. The worst part, if there can be a worst part since it is all awful, is that it is completely tied to the wonderful Valentines present he got me. He completely surprised me with an ipod full of audiobooks from behemoth.com, our new favorite site. He is so good at presents, I had no idea at all that he had that up his sleeve. None. I was totally caught off guard, blessed, surprised. I felt like a little girl on Christmas morning actually. To quickly tarnish it.
God gave me multiple opportunities to get out of the lie quickly, but I didn't even see what was happening. I do struggle with the sin of "fear of man." I am quick to care more about what others think, or how they feel, then to be or say or do what I know I should. And that is what the lie came out of. Honestly, I hadn't made the mental connection to fear of man being a sin until we were watching What is Biblical Femininity? this week, and one of the women brought up that it is a sin of selfishness.
I woke up this morning realizing what had happened, and knowing what needs to happen. I am really ashamed, embarrased and surprised at myself. My Favorite is currently sleeping, with a little girl curled up next to him. So I can't confess at the moment. I sent him an email confession, not to get out of doing it (pray I don't), but in hopes that it would help me not be able to talk myself out of it. This is not something I am willing to give a foothold to. Please pray for strength, this is the first time I have confessed anything in the 4 1/2 years of marriage.
Yep, 4 1/2 years today. Good morning handsome husband, Happy Valentines Day, we've had a great 4 1/2 years... I lied. Just what I was going for.